Scarves are choking hazards

Dear self,

On this day, you have thought about, pictured and imagioned what it might be like to lose a dear loved one, that means too much, you couldn't picture life without them.

While you've picture this, you felt a sense of loss, hopelessness, grief, anger, sadness, confusion, angst, unhappiness, depression.

You've thought about why this might be and ponder on all the things that've been said, left unsaid, all the actions, inactions and everything in between the effort and appreciation you've been and haven't been able to express.

You wonder why and how this could have been and why, why it had to happen this way, why it couldn't have been different.

You want to wake up from all of this, to that person rubbing your back, hugging you tightly,

Telling you that it was all just a bad dream, that everything'll be okay,

But it never happens,

You then realise that all this is just a wake-up call from reality to treasure, appreciate, acknowledge and hold close those that you really love, that you care about.

You learn not to take for granted,

To cherish every moment,

You learn not to put on silly acts just because you don't want to seem like you care.

You learn what true love really is,

That the difference between pain and love is time,

You learn what it feels like to have security yanked out from right under your feet,

That what you make and what you do with your time is more thanyou'll ever fathom and should be treated as such...

Your learn to smile more and appreciate the little things in life

and to continue to smile...

From, you, Felicia.

In a place between sick &healthy...
&finally, after 3 sleepless nights, I managed to cry myself to sleep at 3am this morning after having silly, abstract images play through my subconscious mind.
None of this would've hardly ever been worth mentioning before.
However, these strange, bizzare images that played through my mind, last night were in future tense, of 'what ifs' & of things that could happen.
It made me feel terribly afraid of the things that I have potential to lose.
I don't know why but it seems as if Ive been rather emotionally un-stable.
Maybe it was some sort of sign.

Truth be told, I am quite frightened by the saying 'what goes around, comes around'
I'm still waiting for that something to come around and it now feels as though I am partially living in fear.
It's been a while since this has happened to me now, I remember back in the day when this was routinal but up until quite reccently, it's been okay.
Hmm, a bit of a heavy post.
Anyway, enough of that.
It's k, seeing Jake soon!
He's on his way to pick lils &I up soon as we are going to go watch Eclipse tonight, so we can critique it together!
It's cheap tuesday &I wouldn't pay to see it anyother time:)
K, til next time!

y

Update/ Informal ramble

I love you

Thought I might update, so hello:)

What can I say?

The last exam was pretty ew.

&I had to re-sit that today for I left outcome 2 blank the first time I sat it as I wasn't informed about all the focus questions we had to study which is why some of the stuff that came up in the exam, I didn't know we had to study for and ironically, they were worth the most marks!
Yeah, that was disappointing, cause in all my other outcomes I achieved at least above a 80% in each &it was just that one outcome that let me down, which meant that when I went &re-sat it, I would only get a 50% mark, overall

So I re-sat the exam &got a fifty percent :o(

That was a real big let down.

Yeah, but whatever, I passed

&'ll beat myself up over it if I don't make up for it next semester.

I paid my tafe fees today for next semester,
there goes another 300, gone.

&so I've got a two week break at the moment,

&in these two weeks I would like to accomplish-
a) freaking start learning to drive already,
(cause I've said I would for a while now &STILL haven't. Is there a term for fear of driving? Cause I don't know, I just can't picture me operating a moving vehicle without destroying something:(..)
& b) get my fitness back up!

My limbs hurt so much right now, my hammy on the inside of my right thigh &both my arms feel dead as, I think I'm getting old. Too much walking &carrying
It's kind of sad because my arms hurt like hell only from carrying Rudin's baby brother, Ryan around the city the other day:/
My knee is also splattered with bruises at the moment,
from falling on the same place, twice. Both times, right in front of mum ;x

Once, i just got home from a night out with Jake &went to say hi to my mum in the living room, slipped and fell onto my knee. The second time, I got up off my chair, slipped and again, fell straight onto that same knee:(

I'm sorry, right knee! mum was seriously like 'woooeah, what is wrong withyou'

Freaking realised how fit I've gotten when I took a run around the oval the other day. made it around but after that my muscles just felt so stiff, tense &un-relaxed, the run around the oval that should have warmed me up, didn't. I mostly blame the weather (cause it was cold) & I didn't stretch or warm up or anything, BUT STILL! I need to build my fitness back up, up, up!
Yes, so that's that!

What else?
Mmm, yeah my relatives from melbourne visited just reccently.
They stayed in perth for a few days and are now currently in HK but will be on their way back to perth shortly to stay for a few days before they're headed back to Melbourne.
Haven't seen them for a while. It's been something like 5 years now?

And my cousins are so grown up! The last time I saw my little cousin Vince, he was 10 & i remember this time when he sat on my lap &cried while watching "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' with us in the theatres,
&after 5 years of not seeing him, his voice has broken, he's grown taller, he talks less &is more mature! &back then I had only just finished primary & started high school or something..
Oh my, how time flies!

I've finished high school now &need to start learning to be more independant &start looking out for myself, this meaning to takecare of my health when I feel myself getting sick and to stop leaving my purse/phone/bag on trains and buses and stuff...
Yeah, think I'm starting to get of topic, if there even was one to begin with?

Anyway, think my post ends here.

Til next time!

X

Fringey

old, grown out, cruddy non-exisitent fringe...
my cookie monster top:B &my chubbay, fattay face

slightly shorter, trimmed new fringe:)
i was thinking about getting bangs but i didn't wana go tooo short, we'll see..

taken on my poor quality phone cameraaaar!

my face looks pointy here, ehee ahhh.. cameraar angles

i'm getting my hair coloured soon too!

maybe after this week.

going darker to get rid of all my highlights:)

x

POST-EXAMS

Well, here are some pictures for you from during exams, &when i didn't have time to update-

This was us, in the car on the way to or from the airport (i can't remember) when our relatives were headed back to sg
me, mum &samantha just me
jake: 'felicia, stop perving at little kids'

felicia: 'you said you wouldn't tell :('

--

They say a picture tells a thousand words,

Well, here's a few thousand for ya-

Post Exams!
What can I say?
So, so, so so so glad that's over!
Need I say more?

Not left with a great feeling about my last exam actually. I'm not even kidding, my last exam made me cry


I'm hoping &praying that I passed.



Since, I've finished my examsssss (yes, 5 s' cause there were 5 of them)-
Jake's been able to get me to relax a little,


We ate out at Fast Eddy's at carousel last night,
& went to go watch 'Grown ups'
Which was a reasonably okay movie,
Despite the cruddy mood i was in from my last exam.

As we finished our film and were headed back home,
We were slowly reversing out of the parking lot, when some idiotic driver cuts out of nowhere which caught us off guard and threw us off attention.
While still reversing out slowly and now slightly pissed off, we didn't notice the car behind us &(not too badly though) managed reversed into it.
The car we had bumped into, had no severe damage done to it, however, it did have the slightest bit of paint taken off of it.
Lucky for us, Jake's astra was left undamaged &the guy we had encountered the accident with wasn't acting too irrationally, wasn't too severely pissed off &it wasn't a heell serious accident (aka, we weren't injured &we didn't die)
Jake &the other driver exchanged license and insurance details and the rest of it and Jake is waiting for a call from him sometime this week.

K, yeah that is all!
Enjoy your weekend!

'Til next time!

4/5

4 down, 1 to go!

Sorry for the lack of update,

Last exam tomorrow!

Chyee boy!

Wish me luck!

Will properly update soon

X

Improper post

in love with my new berets that jake bought for me.
he bought me a red, white and purple one :o)

raar!

things to do today-
study, study, study for my legal framework and elements exams on monday!
my grandma, uncle michael, aunty winnie and the kids are headed back home to singapore today, so we're taking them out for lunch at dim sum- somewhere in winthrop &dropping them off at the airport.
yeah, k will properly update when i have time yeah? :)
xxx

It will not be all for nothing

yeah, this happens occasionally after a long day of studying. pictures from my dodgy, crap quality webcam:o)

& yes, i do feel rather frenchh:')

squinty, asian pride!

& again

dear mr beret,

could you sit properly on my head please?

it would be kinly appreciated?

kthxbye

&sex hair!

Hello!

Can't stay long, yeah, these next two weeks are going to be very unpleasant for me!

So entertain yourselves while i'm gone with my un-hideous pictures that i don't take while i'm studying!

Bye!