Because it made me smile

Falling bit behind on the workload atm, now that've started sem2.

But nonetheless, a quick update, cause it's been a whil

e.

Hopefully you would've been like 'oh what? uh, duh!'

Aha :')

'Til next time:)

This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try

Dream.

Believe.

Succeed.

Hello all!
I'm rather bored and am pretty much just updating for the sake of updating.
Seeing Jake t'night! :)
Might go back to his place and just chill.
So yes, how are we?
Although the holidays, for me have been quite boring, I've had a pretty good, chillaxing past few days and'll be back on my way to starting semester 2, pretty soon in the next week:)
What can I say? I'm actually quite looking forward to learning about law of torts and the rest of it.
Enthusiasm.
Must be a good thing, right?

So it's winter at the moment and apparently that's when we tend to eat/ put on more because our bodies need the fuel to burn and keep us warm with and so on and so forth...
So, just recently I decided that I want to start working out again to get in better shape
&yes easier said than done because I've thought this for quite some time now.
But to be honest, every time I've thought this, I go into a phase with eating healthy, exercising for about two weeks or something and then fall out of it and then back into again and right back out ;/
But yesterday I put it to action and realised just how un-fit I've become...
Before I could even manage more than 50 sit-ups, I realised that I had to remind myself to not forget to breathe ;x
I forgot how much working out freaking hurts and kills but man, if I want results I've got to keep at it right?
So yeah, hopefully, that's what I'll do.
Stick it through.
Yeah, haven't got much else right now so um numnum, yeah:)
'Til next time! :)
X

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Sleepless nights.

Tossing and turning.

Lack of sleep.

Positively tired.

Sleep deprivation.

But you make it all okay...:)

So. How is everyone's holiday's going so far?

(for those that are on holidays, sorry for those that are not)

Going over her boys t'night for dinner, &to just chill before the start of next semester.

We're going to maybe bake a cake and might watch 'the invention of lying':o) yay!

Yeah, that's all I got:)

'Til next time!

X

Hellogoodbye

had both dim sum and 'all you can eat' buffet dinner at the greyhounds today.
i wonder sometimes, how much more weight i want to put on

ah yes, i just wanted to post this before i forget.

i got bangs:)

but i cut it too short so it currently looks fugly,

&yay for an erruption of breakouts!

my skin is really not treating me very well and hating me at the moment

nonetheless, here are some photo's..

so um, old hair

new hair, well fringe &i dyed it darker to get rid of my highlights

the random longlish but to the side was the length i orginally got it cut to but still thought it was a bit long &decided to fix it myself. bad mistake, i should have learnt by now but it's like i never seem to. i felt th need to cut it shorter cause it was sitting over my eyes and now it's too short.

so yeah, i'm kinda like waiting for it to grow back.

that's it for now.
'til next time:)

You don't have to weather the storm alone

You're all talk, nothing ever gets done

aka

'Always talking, nothing doing.'
-Mr Jake Chong

(add an asian accent onto that and there you have, almost a perfect quote) :o)Miss Felicia Poh,

You are a forgetful one. You need to write things down constantly to remember things. You write to yourself quite some bit to remind yourself how the your week was, anything new you've learnt and what you've been up to recently. The above print was put there for a reason. It was put there because it expresses perfectly how you've been feeling over the past week. Felicia, it's okay, everyone has their insecurities. You just need to not let yours get in the way of things. You know Jake loves you for who you are, that he won't ever let you down, he'll catch you when you fall, he calls you back when you hang up on him, is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you and'll practically do anything to show how much you mean to him. So then why have you been so worried and insecure just recently? It's because you're worried that your past and a certain karma will catch up with you and because you trust in him so much, you are just so on edge, worried and cautious that he might be the one to disappoint you and let you down, when you least expect it and you don't expect it is why you're worried. Don't worry, Jake is nothing but good for you and him hurting you would be the last thing to worry about. He's always been there and always will be there to reassure you. You have nothing in the world to worry about.

A second thing, over the past 7 months, you slowly realise that you have had a change in attitude and the way you think things. You have been thinking more so positively and optimistically rather than 'never' and 'it is impossible'. It is no coincidence that these influences have occurred over the period of time where a certain someone has stepped into your life and influenced changes over you, for the better. It would make perfect sense then to say that you owe special thanks to that certain somebody. That certain somebody would be Jake. Stay in my life okay? 7 months and still counting... This isn't for the sake of just another teenage relationship. You're serious about the two of you. You want it to work and know that it will with the co-operation from both parties, it will. Try not to deny your feelings. He means more to you than you could ever express to him but you can always try. Sometimes, you don't get a second chance at things so don't screw it up. Trust that you'll always be there for one another, as you will. Share your feelings with him, you know that he'll always be there to listen so don't hide things. If you feel a certain way, just say so, he will not look at you any differently, he will not judge. You and I both know that, so don't make it so difficult.


Another thing, dad and you have never been close and probably never will be. You've learnt now that he will always discourage you and that doesn't mean that in the time left, you should give up or not try to make an effort to make amends. This is probably his way to get you to pick yourself up and throw yourself even higher, to prove him wrong and it works. You've always managed to do it, every time he looks you down. You should have gotten used to and grown accustomed to this by now, you haven't and might not ever but maybe you don't have to. Maybe you just need to learn and remember that that was the way he was raised, that was what he was taught and that is how he expresses his feelings, quite strangely. You need to stop thinking that the difference between the two of you are too great and that there is no room for improvement. You know that it's the mentality, so if you think like that, there won't be. As for your mum, you both are always, always constantly bickering, fighting, fighting and fighting. You need to put a stop to this. Stop bickering. You need to hear what each other have to say and work out your mis-understandings. It is easier said than done but who's to say that you can't start trying? One day, your parents won't be around anymore to set you straight on your path and guide you through. You know this, that this day will come around, is why you need to start learning now to be independent and to start relying more on yourself. Make the most of your time with them and appreciate the things they do for you while they're still around. They may not always be right and you know that but they only want what's best. No parent would want something that's not good for their child.

You might not be able to do a lot about how you feel but you sure as hell can do something about the way you act. Sometimes you need to fall to learn what's right, what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger. Let go of the past, you can't change it. Live in the present and work towards the future. Stop thinking you'll just 'go with the flow.' don't be always taking chances. What if the flow just left off to nowhere, really? Don't wander around aimlessly, with no goal, no dream, no provision, no future to look to. Know what you want, know what you're going to have to do to get it and work hard, put in solid effort and work towards it. You can and will do better this semester. I'm just going to say it loud and clear now so that it is cemented in your head. Lastly, don't forget to smile and keep smiling. 'Never let success get to your head and your failures get to your heart.'

With love,

Yourself.

You make a substantial point, however, your mum

'You can make the world beautiful, just by refusing to lie about it.'
'When sadness was the sea, you were the ones that taught me to swim'
Sometimes, there is no second chance. Think, you've only got one shot at it, do it well.
Yay for very charming, unsleezy looks!
un-speded moments

Hello hello, how are we?

I have a feeling this is going to be just another rather unorganised post of mumbo-jumbo, just of jotting down thoughts, feelings and things that have happened over this past week.

It feels good to type with my real, natural nails &not them fake, manicure, acrylic nails I had on for my 18th :)

Yes, so. What's new?

Finally and about time, I got my L's! (this was yesterday) and now have no excuses to keep delaying learning how to drive. I'll just think of it this way, it'll be easier for me to get around. Just please, please, please give me my mum's driving skills and not my dads! thankyou.

To bang or not to bang the fringe?

That is the question...

Hm, for a while now, I've realised, that I am good at putting on acts because sometimes that's all you can do in life, plaster on a fake smile and stick it through but you know what, Jake has taught me that this isn't good for me. It's better to be who you really are, express how you really feel and just be yourself. I mean afterall, we're all only human, so what we feel, other probably have felt too right? It's okay to have feelings or a set of emotion, we're not robots.

Yes, yes so I think that is all.

I might go change my hair now.

'Til next time:)

If I can't set a good example, learn from my mistakes

Scarves are choking hazards

Dear self,

On this day, you have thought about, pictured and imagioned what it might be like to lose a dear loved one, that means too much, you couldn't picture life without them.

While you've picture this, you felt a sense of loss, hopelessness, grief, anger, sadness, confusion, angst, unhappiness, depression.

You've thought about why this might be and ponder on all the things that've been said, left unsaid, all the actions, inactions and everything in between the effort and appreciation you've been and haven't been able to express.

You wonder why and how this could have been and why, why it had to happen this way, why it couldn't have been different.

You want to wake up from all of this, to that person rubbing your back, hugging you tightly,

Telling you that it was all just a bad dream, that everything'll be okay,

But it never happens,

You then realise that all this is just a wake-up call from reality to treasure, appreciate, acknowledge and hold close those that you really love, that you care about.

You learn not to take for granted,

To cherish every moment,

You learn not to put on silly acts just because you don't want to seem like you care.

You learn what true love really is,

That the difference between pain and love is time,

You learn what it feels like to have security yanked out from right under your feet,

That what you make and what you do with your time is more thanyou'll ever fathom and should be treated as such...

Your learn to smile more and appreciate the little things in life

and to continue to smile...

From, you, Felicia.

In a place between sick &healthy...
&finally, after 3 sleepless nights, I managed to cry myself to sleep at 3am this morning after having silly, abstract images play through my subconscious mind.
None of this would've hardly ever been worth mentioning before.
However, these strange, bizzare images that played through my mind, last night were in future tense, of 'what ifs' & of things that could happen.
It made me feel terribly afraid of the things that I have potential to lose.
I don't know why but it seems as if Ive been rather emotionally un-stable.
Maybe it was some sort of sign.

Truth be told, I am quite frightened by the saying 'what goes around, comes around'
I'm still waiting for that something to come around and it now feels as though I am partially living in fear.
It's been a while since this has happened to me now, I remember back in the day when this was routinal but up until quite reccently, it's been okay.
Hmm, a bit of a heavy post.
Anyway, enough of that.
It's k, seeing Jake soon!
He's on his way to pick lils &I up soon as we are going to go watch Eclipse tonight, so we can critique it together!
It's cheap tuesday &I wouldn't pay to see it anyother time:)
K, til next time!

y

Update/ Informal ramble

I love you

Thought I might update, so hello:)

What can I say?

The last exam was pretty ew.

&I had to re-sit that today for I left outcome 2 blank the first time I sat it as I wasn't informed about all the focus questions we had to study which is why some of the stuff that came up in the exam, I didn't know we had to study for and ironically, they were worth the most marks!
Yeah, that was disappointing, cause in all my other outcomes I achieved at least above a 80% in each &it was just that one outcome that let me down, which meant that when I went &re-sat it, I would only get a 50% mark, overall

So I re-sat the exam &got a fifty percent :o(

That was a real big let down.

Yeah, but whatever, I passed

&'ll beat myself up over it if I don't make up for it next semester.

I paid my tafe fees today for next semester,
there goes another 300, gone.

&so I've got a two week break at the moment,

&in these two weeks I would like to accomplish-
a) freaking start learning to drive already,
(cause I've said I would for a while now &STILL haven't. Is there a term for fear of driving? Cause I don't know, I just can't picture me operating a moving vehicle without destroying something:(..)
& b) get my fitness back up!

My limbs hurt so much right now, my hammy on the inside of my right thigh &both my arms feel dead as, I think I'm getting old. Too much walking &carrying
It's kind of sad because my arms hurt like hell only from carrying Rudin's baby brother, Ryan around the city the other day:/
My knee is also splattered with bruises at the moment,
from falling on the same place, twice. Both times, right in front of mum ;x

Once, i just got home from a night out with Jake &went to say hi to my mum in the living room, slipped and fell onto my knee. The second time, I got up off my chair, slipped and again, fell straight onto that same knee:(

I'm sorry, right knee! mum was seriously like 'woooeah, what is wrong withyou'

Freaking realised how fit I've gotten when I took a run around the oval the other day. made it around but after that my muscles just felt so stiff, tense &un-relaxed, the run around the oval that should have warmed me up, didn't. I mostly blame the weather (cause it was cold) & I didn't stretch or warm up or anything, BUT STILL! I need to build my fitness back up, up, up!
Yes, so that's that!

What else?
Mmm, yeah my relatives from melbourne visited just reccently.
They stayed in perth for a few days and are now currently in HK but will be on their way back to perth shortly to stay for a few days before they're headed back to Melbourne.
Haven't seen them for a while. It's been something like 5 years now?

And my cousins are so grown up! The last time I saw my little cousin Vince, he was 10 & i remember this time when he sat on my lap &cried while watching "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets' with us in the theatres,
&after 5 years of not seeing him, his voice has broken, he's grown taller, he talks less &is more mature! &back then I had only just finished primary & started high school or something..
Oh my, how time flies!

I've finished high school now &need to start learning to be more independant &start looking out for myself, this meaning to takecare of my health when I feel myself getting sick and to stop leaving my purse/phone/bag on trains and buses and stuff...
Yeah, think I'm starting to get of topic, if there even was one to begin with?

Anyway, think my post ends here.

Til next time!

X