Scarves are choking hazards

Dear self,

On this day, you have thought about, pictured and imagioned what it might be like to lose a dear loved one, that means too much, you couldn't picture life without them.

While you've picture this, you felt a sense of loss, hopelessness, grief, anger, sadness, confusion, angst, unhappiness, depression.

You've thought about why this might be and ponder on all the things that've been said, left unsaid, all the actions, inactions and everything in between the effort and appreciation you've been and haven't been able to express.

You wonder why and how this could have been and why, why it had to happen this way, why it couldn't have been different.

You want to wake up from all of this, to that person rubbing your back, hugging you tightly,

Telling you that it was all just a bad dream, that everything'll be okay,

But it never happens,

You then realise that all this is just a wake-up call from reality to treasure, appreciate, acknowledge and hold close those that you really love, that you care about.

You learn not to take for granted,

To cherish every moment,

You learn not to put on silly acts just because you don't want to seem like you care.

You learn what true love really is,

That the difference between pain and love is time,

You learn what it feels like to have security yanked out from right under your feet,

That what you make and what you do with your time is more thanyou'll ever fathom and should be treated as such...

Your learn to smile more and appreciate the little things in life

and to continue to smile...

From, you, Felicia.

In a place between sick &healthy...
&finally, after 3 sleepless nights, I managed to cry myself to sleep at 3am this morning after having silly, abstract images play through my subconscious mind.
None of this would've hardly ever been worth mentioning before.
However, these strange, bizzare images that played through my mind, last night were in future tense, of 'what ifs' & of things that could happen.
It made me feel terribly afraid of the things that I have potential to lose.
I don't know why but it seems as if Ive been rather emotionally un-stable.
Maybe it was some sort of sign.

Truth be told, I am quite frightened by the saying 'what goes around, comes around'
I'm still waiting for that something to come around and it now feels as though I am partially living in fear.
It's been a while since this has happened to me now, I remember back in the day when this was routinal but up until quite reccently, it's been okay.
Hmm, a bit of a heavy post.
Anyway, enough of that.
It's k, seeing Jake soon!
He's on his way to pick lils &I up soon as we are going to go watch Eclipse tonight, so we can critique it together!
It's cheap tuesday &I wouldn't pay to see it anyother time:)
K, til next time!

y